Am I a dancer?

Three years,...three years without a technique class. Is it my fault? The community I am in? Or life itself? Well, all I know is that I am truly ashamed of what my technique has become. How did I let it get this way? Something I call my passion, my heart, my life has suffered severely and now I am at the very beginning. What I sacrificed to get in the town I am in now,... was it all worth it? No, not really. I video taped me dancing today and I must say I found so much wrong with the video. I am saddened today because I let my soul die. My soul which is dance. I watch some of my friends around me continue to grow and mature in their dance. They even go on to have careers. And I noticed sometimes I get a bit envious and say to myself "It wont last, they will mess it up somehow". Shameful! That I can be so lacking in the confidence to improve I have to judge others. Yes there are videos I can try to learn from but it isn't the same as being in an actual class. For me I have to learn on the spot, in front of some one, kinesthetically. Now I feel that I am a bit too old to start over in dance. Am I washed up? Am I done? Should I change careers? So many questions fueled with the gasoline of shame. Well, something shall be done and it will. Someday!